


Of Hot Chocolate and Coming Home

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of sex (not underage these peeps are 18), Nature Spirit!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-05-14 23:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5762989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Xiumin was too numb to keep on living, Tao taught the snow spirit how to build shelter from the storm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Hot Chocolate and Coming Home

The first time Xiumin met him through the eyes of a million glittering flakes of ice, he was diligently making the third and final tier of a crooked snowman, packing the snow into a sphere with bumbling adolescent hands. Movers bustled around him, unloading huge cardboard boxes from a truck and lugging them through the front door of the house. He pushed the finished head down on top of the stacked tiers, clapped his gloved hands together to clear the stuck snow, then tromped off to find suitable stick arms.

 _Kind of...adorable_ , Xiumin thought, before a bout of weakness swept his sight away. For a minute, his vision was clouded by the usual dizzying flurry of white. 

When he finally gathered enough strength to peer back in on the young man, some other guys were just finishing up a rather one-sided snow fight, leaving him on the ground with his wrecked snowman, melted snow slowly seeping through his pants and gloves. Xiumin was sure that would be his last time seeing the slight boy with sharp feline features. No kid would want to go back out in the snow after having fistfuls of it shoved down his shirt.

Sure enough, the young man eventually picked himself back up to trudge back through his front door, and Xiumin's world faded. With a pang in his chest that hurt more than it should, Xiumin resigned himself to another few years of cold, white solitude. Judging by the numbness, he was near certain that they would thankfully be his last before phasing out.

But when his vision cleared for a second time, Xiumin looked on in awe as the young man marched out of his house wearing a dry set of clothes, carrying a thermos under his arm. He determinedly carved a dugout in the deep snow of his lawn, set down one of the moving boxes in his small personal cave, then sat in it contentedly sipping at whatever he put in the thermos. Xiumin liked to think it was hot chocolate with a few fluffy marshmallows in the mix, because that’s what he thought the boy deserved. And as the young man drank and watched the snow with a small secret smile gracing his lips, Xiumin felt a delicious warmth soothing his numbness.

 

When winter started anew three years later, Xiumin excitedly started up a light dusting of white, waiting. As usual, Tao came out to watch bundled up in a red scarf wrapped up to his ears. His winter coat did _not_ hide the changes his body underwent during the year. And holy spirits, did the way he had filled out ever twist Xiumin's insides uncomfortably. Xiumin put it down to snow spirit hypothermia (that was definitely a thing. He's a snow spirit. He would know). So when Tao practiced basketball and the ball got frozen stuck to the rim, it definitely wasn't Xiumin trying to catch a glimpse of Tao's back muscles rippling as he maintained a single-handed pull-up on the rim while swatting at the ball. It definitely wasn't. 

Maybe. 

 

Xiumin felt as though some unidentifiable being would disapprove of the amount of time he's spent throughout the years watching his human. He would do more than distribute the snow and watch over Tao (regular snow spirit things like keeping people from getting into accidents on black ice and the like), he just wants to save his essence.

 

Well, that was always the reason at first. 

But then the young man would flop down onto the lawn to make snow angels with his long limbs in the middle of his wushu practice, or construct a tent to spend a snowstorm swathed in blankets, sipping from that same thermos. Every time a bright smile lit up Tao’s eyes, Xiumin fell a little bit harder. It was an odd feeling, and usually led to Xiumin trying to make him giggle his typical schoolgirl laugh. He always succeeded.

That day was no exception. 

Xiumin was so preoccupied with watching Tao exit from the driver's side of the family car, that he only belatedly noticed the boy who had apparently been sitting passenger by the time he had slung a gangly arm across Tao's broad shoulders. Xiumin startled.

The boy, Tao's… _friend_ , Xiumin thought with a grimace, was laughing so hard his eyes turned crescents, Tao responding with an adorable pout. Don't. Don't make him pout. Stick-friend. 

The young man squawked as an inordinate amount of snow was dumped over his head. Tao doubled over giggling when stick-friend started a tribal dance wiggle to dislodge the snow underneath his shirt while glaring up at the innocent overlooking branches pinned with Xiumin's crime.

When Tao straightened, he brushed the remaining snow off stick-friend's shoulders, much to Xiumin's horror, then led him inside out of the snow sludge.

"Fancy seeing you walking around all spirit-like again.” Xiumin startled out of his thoughts and glanced over to see his favorite rain spirit sidle up next to him with a warm smile. “I’m relieved. I thought you might’ve...Is it his doing?" 

"Hey you,” Xiumin bumped his arm lightly. “I didn't realize it was getting too warm for a pure snow these days. And yeah, it's his mostly. I've never felt so steady, and I have no clue how a kid like him is managing it," Xiumin said, shaking his head. "...It's funny, I hadn't realized I had started taking form again. You forget what it feels like eventually, I guess." Suho responded with a sympathetic squeeze around his waist.

"...it's not my place, but...shouldn't you be saving that power? You don't know when or even if another kid like him will come around."

Xiumin heaved a long sigh. "No. No I'm okay. I'll just..." He gestured vaguely with his hands.

"And after he- _if_ I mean- _if_ he..." Suho trailed off with a pointed look.

"After he leaves? You can say it, it’s not like I don’t know what will happen. Like you said, I don't think I'll ever come by another person like him."

Suho gave him a long careful look then leaned in for an even longer hug. "I understand, but if you...it's never too late to change your mind, and you know me and Chen are here for you," he murmured into Xiumin's shoulder. "No matter how long it takes you to build up energy again."

Xiumin thought about the last time he had seen the storm spirit, all curled up sobbing into Suho’s chest. He still wasn’t sure what emotional response Chen was tied to that terrified him so. "You two have your own problems to worry about," he eventually intoned softly.

Suho had no response for that, so he just pulled Xiumin's small form onto the sidewalk and sat with him in the sleet until the sun started to rise.

 

From then on, Stick-Hun appeared almost as often as Tao himself. Tao would drag the bored-looking boy with him to share his snow-storm tent, his blankets...his hot chocolate. _Is nothing sacred?_ Xiumin thought petulantly. He had to keep reminding himself all those cozy nights, those trips to and from school, those school Fall Festivals, they weren't shared memories. Those were a privilege only Sehun had. And Sehun was only very rarely a satisfactory snow companion, in Xiumin's opinion.

"What in the world are you planning to do with these?" Sehun asked, taking the Kool-aid packets Tao was brandishing at him. Tao filled up his own arms with packets then led the way from the garage to the snow-covered lawn. 

"Snow art!" Tao responded brightly. Xiumin was ecstatic, buzzing with energy. Sehun looked skeptical. "It’s delicious. I used to do this with an old ge, but he moved back to China, so I've been doing it by myself every year since. It's probably better that way, really. He used to brag that he was some amazing snow artist." Tao scrunched his nose as if recalling a traumatic memory, then shook his head.

Xiumin cackled at the thought of Tao's tall, delusional friend and his disfigured, raspberry-flavored wolf, almost reminiscing out loud before remembering that none of the present company could see or hear him. Right.

He turned back to watch Tao rip open packets of orange, grape, watermelon, and ice blue raspberry before carefully pouring their contents into separate spray bottles. He shook them vigorously then offered them to Sehun, who was looking at Tao with amusement.

After plucking all four flavors from Tao’s hands, Sehun crouched down to begin his artwork, Tao looking on awe.

Sehun looked back at his stunned expression, then shyly mumbled, "What, I like rainbows..." 

The absolute adoration that appeared in Tao's eyes both comforted Xiumin and tore him apart. No matter how much Tao made fun of his old friend's art, Xiumin had seen the disfigured raspberry wolf Tao made last year when he dyed the snow alone for the second year in a row. Sehun being here is good. Sehun putting that look in his eyes is good. Nevermind that Xiumin would give an arm and a leg to share even one snow tradition with Tao. It was enough to know that Tao wouldn't be lonely in the upcoming spring and summer months that Xiumin couldn't watch over him. It was enough.

 

Xiumin set to work on the first snow next winter with butterflies in his stomach. _How would Tao spend his first snow this year?_ Xiumin’s view eventually cleared as it always did when Tao noticed the snow, and he stumbled into form just in time to see Tao tugging Sehun out the front door, thermos in hand. 

Tao marveled at the never ending white sky and shot a dazzling smile at Sehun, who gave a small grin and a foreign look in return. Xiumin realized with a swooping in his stomach that last year’s amusement had turned into gentle affection.

When Tao opened the hot chocolate and took a gulp, Sehun suddenly caught him at the waist and pulled him flush against his own body before capturing his lips. Tao froze for a moment then relaxed, pushing forward into the kiss. Sehun pulled back a bit and twisted his head a bit for a better angle, then licked into Tao’s mouth softly. When his hand snuck under Tao’s shirt to map out his back, Tao yelped and pushed Sehun’s arms away.

“You’re hands are cold,” he whined, then looked up carefully. “What...what was that anyway?”

“That was me actually getting a taste of it for once. Hot chocolate hog.” Tao made an indignant noise, but allowed Sehun to pull him back into his arms. “And it’s actually pretty good, so if you’ll just…” he leaned back in, this time licking deeper into Tao’s mouth, thoroughly cleaning out the chocolate. He nibbled on Tao’s bottom lip, and Tao moaned softly, snaking his arms around Sehun’s back tightly to pull him forward by his shoulders.

Tao pulled back after a few minutes, cheeks pink, and panted softly, “Who’s the chocolate hog now? Left none for me, you jerk…”

Sehun looked as though he had just discovered that he was holding something incredibly priceless.

Xiumin averted his eyes, mind reeling. He was suddenly really worried, but about what, he didn’t know. Nothing had changed. Xiumin had always known that he and Tao would never meet, that Tao would date eventually, that he would leave for college or wherever life took him. And then Xiumin. Xiumin would. But that was just it, wasn’t it? The only thing Xiumin was certain about his own future was that soon after Tao left, he himself would disappear. Because all of the kindness that Tao had poured into Xiumin’s cold heart, Xiumin had used watching him grow up into this amazing person that he could never have. The prospect of forever without him made him want to phase out on the spot.

Xiumin needed to pull himself together, think of a rational plan, but the only thought running through his mind was that he really was never going to be able to share hot chocolate with the person he had loved for near four years. That too was only Sehun’s privilege.

And when Tao was broken by the stress of studying for college entrance exams, it was Sehun that wiped his frozen tears away and cuddled with him in the snow sleepover tent. And on the night when cuddling wasn’t enough of a distraction, it was Sehun that pressed Tao into the blankets and pushed into him gently until he bottomed out, rolling his hips thoroughly until Tao fell apart into writhing pieces, pieces that Sehun picked up and strung together, pulling tighter and tighter until Tao’s mind whited out. It was Sehun that let him calm down afterwards to the sound of sweet nothings whispered against the shell of his ear, legs tangled together (Xiumin definitely hadn’t stuck around for that one).

 

Xiumin thought he was thoroughly accustomed to feeling inadequate. Tao had had (in every sense of the word) Sehun long enough for Xiumin to know that there was absolutely nothing he could give him. But then the yelling started, and didn’t end until Sehun yanked the front door open and slammed it shut behind him. Of course Tao followed him out into Xiumin’s fierce panicked blizzard, but Sehun was already starting his car and pulling out of the driveway by then. 

Tao slipped on the ice and stayed down, cursing Sehun, cursing his parents, cursing even the snow between sobs and hiccups. Xiumin just didn’t know what to _do_. Nothing he could give could touch Tao, other than the biting cold. And if Tao suddenly changed his feelings for the snow, well that was that. That was Xiumin _finished_. But instead of the familiar floating sensation associated with losing form, Xiumin felt steadier and steadier as Tao dragged the tent out to the middle of the lawn and practically dove into its blankets. 

Actually, the longer Tao sat watching the snow sipping from the thermos, the more Xiumin felt the...cold...seeping into his bones. He began to panic, _Is this it? Is this what phasing out feels like?_

No, it dawned on him. This is what being wet feels like. This is snow. It’s Tao’s _snow_. He clawed a bit at it, retracting when it started to sting. Huh.

He hardly had time to doubt his reality before his fingers and toes started to feel numb. He wasn’t wearing near the number of layers he usually saw Tao and Sehun tug on before coming out into the snow.

“Um, are you okay?” Oh god. Oh no. Please don’t be. He looked up. It was. It was Tao, standing over him looking very concerned. And here he was, just sitting on his _lawn_ , in _jeans_ , in the middle of the _night_. He shot up to his feet.

“Uh- uh- yeah! Yeah, I’m fine- I was just...it's been a really crazy day- and the- the snow helps me calm down, so I was just taking a, a walk- but then- yeah…”Xiumin trailed off when he noticed Tao was shaking. “Are _you_ okay?”

“...not really,” Tao said thoughtfully. “Listen, you’re obviously freezing, I'm cold too, and I have a tent with blankets and hot chocolate. You in?”

“No! No, I’m okay, I’ll just- uh..”Tao fixed him with a long pointed look. “Yeah okay, sure.” When they were settled amongst the covers, Xiumin realized that for however long he wished to meet Tao, he had never made any plan for what he would say if he actually did. But Xiumin’s lack of preparation hardly seemed important in the face of Tao's tremors. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Well...it seems really shallow, now,” Tao gave a humorless laugh, ”but I fought with my boyfriend. We’ve never really fought before. Tensions have been pretty high lately, his parents don’t really approve and whatnot. Hot chocolate?” He proffered the thermos to Xiumin, who hesitated before taking it from Tao’s hands almost reverently.

"And so you decided to set up a tent in a snowstorm?" Xiumin asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Tao snorted. "There's just something about being in the snow here that feels like coming home.” Xiumin stared. “It’s always there when I need it. Sometimes I feel like it’s there to support me, you know?"

“Yeah. I really, really do.”

Xiumin took a steaming gulp of the hot chocolate, nodding slowly. It was sweet and smooth, creamier than he had ever imagined. When he looked back up, Tao was blushing slightly, eyes glazed. Of course. The only other person with whom he shared his hot chocolate usually kissed him senseless afterwards. Xiumin cleared his throat. "...have you met his parents?”

Tao startled out of his thoughts. “Yeah, yeah, I have, once.”

“And did he- did he protect you from their judgment?” Xiumin asked, pressing the thermos to his lips.

Tao looked up at the roof of the tent, recalling, then started to giggle. “Yeah. He told them to shove quite a few things up their asses that day. Said they might find that they like it as much as he does.” Xiumin choked on hot chocolate. Tao laughed until he cried then took the thermos from Xiumin’s hands and sipped at it until he calmed down.

“I think you guys will be okay. Relationships never work out if you’re not willing to stand up for the one you love and protect them when it really counts.” Xiumin thought of Suho and Chen, falling down and picking each other back up.

“Yeah, he really is a good guy. His soul, I mean, if you believe in the metaphysical.” Xiumin couldn’t help but chuckle at that a bit. “And you’re right, I think. We’ll be okay. We’re rooming together for college this upcoming fall, so that’s some reassurance. But honestly, he’ll probably be back to apologize by the end of the night, so I figured I’d just wait out here.” Tao giggled. "What about you? What are you waiting for out here?"

Xiumin's throat closed up from the sudden rush of emotions. "...someone I love to notice me, I guess."

Tao looked at him thoughtfully, then burst out laughing. Xiumin blinked. "If you love someone, why in the world are you waiting to let them know how loved they are? Heaven knows they probably really need it," Tao said, still chuckling, then suddenly turned solemn. "In all honesty, he probably already loves you back."

Tears sprung to Xiumin's eyes and his throat _ached_. "He _does_ ," he croaked, "every way he knows how- he _does_ \- but he's going to leave because he has to and I can never come back to him and he won't-he won't even _know_ -" Tao scooted closer and wrapped both arms around Xiumin tightly, rocking back and forth a little bit. 

"I can't say I exactly understand your situation, but...I think people have a way of knowing where they are truly valued. And when the world gets too hard, that love pulls them home. He'll come back. You just be strong and he'll-he'll come back." Xiumin met Tao's fervent gaze through his tears.

Just then, headlights illuminated the tent as a car pulled into the driveway, tires crackling across the concrete. Xiumin's heart stopped when Tao shot him the same secret smile from all those years ago.

As they ducked out of the tent together, Sehun slammed his car door shut, striding towards them with purpose.

“Hey Sehun!" Tao called brightly. "I met-- wait, what’s your name? He kept me company while I- mgh” Sehun cut him off by kissing him open-mouthed, hands gripping  
the sides of his face tightly. Xiumin’s jaw dropped. 

“I’m sorry,” Sehun choked, “I love you.”

”I know,” Tao cheekily replied with a grin, “I love you, too.” Sehun touched foreheads with him lightly, then started dragging him towards the house by the hand with clear intent, giving Xiumin a solemn nod in acknowledgement.

“Bye, cute cheeks!” Tao threw a wave over his shoulder. “Stay strong! See you again sometime! You know where to find me!” The front door hadn’t even closed before Sehun was tugging off Tao’s jacket and shirt and running his hands up and down his sides, pressing kisses down his neck. Xiumin felt oddly at peace.

 

The last snow of the season was a harsh sleet storm. Tao and Sehun were inside of course, talking on the couch by the window. The spirit trio sat on the sidewalk outside, Chen perched contentedly on Xiumin’s lap with Suho snuggled close beside him. After explaining that Tao and Sehun were moving into their dorm across the country at Pusan National University in the summer, Chen and Suho had initiated a Xiumin pile-up and refused to move.

“You guys don’t have to worry so much. I’m not in any immediate danger. Tao really did love too much for his own good." Xiumin paused thoughtfully. "It’d be different if I _wanted_ to phase out, but I’ve thought about it, and...Tao will need someone to make the snow here home again if he visits. Besides, it would be unfair to have been loved so much by someone then just give up before finding someone to properly give my own love to."

"Yeah, you can get it on with that ditzy wind spirit who always looks confused that he even exists," Chen said mischievously. Xiumin swatted at his arm.

"I’m being serious here! After this, you might have to wait forever before I take form again.” Suho and Chen only clung tighter around his neck. He sighed, said his mental goodbyes to Tao and Sehun, and contentedly squeezed his arms tighter around the two cuddlebugs he'd be starting forever with.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for taobei fic fest.


End file.
